The Secret of the Universe

The Emperor's New No Bell Prize

Ok. I'll make it short.

We all learned from sophomore year physics--from the laws of Thermodynamics--you cannot get something from nothing. So if there ever was a time when there was nothing, then there would still be nothing. And yet nothing there is not. So there must always have been something. Therefore time is indeed infinite, in both directions.

Explanation -- Our brains are simple circuit boards forged by natural selection. They work well enough for day-to-day problem solving but they do tend to freeze up and reboot like division by zero when attempting to contemplate infinity. But of course that's just a flaw in our soggy software. Because infinity is.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all (audience applauds).
....and ephemeral quantum matter be damned. From absolute nothing you get nothing. Thus spake Pittenthustra.